A few days ago, we received the following email from Acer, who last year supplied us with some computer equipment:
Every month we want to share a bit of us,
exciting things that are happening in Acer.
That’s why a fresh Acer News is in your hands,
enjoy it as much as we enjoyed creating it!
Click on the image to open the online magazine.
And if you want to read it as in real life, move
from page to page by clicking on the corner, then
drag and drop the page.
You can always go back to read Acer news by visiting:
Now, aside from the ghastly grammar and the spurious syntax, we have just one question: who cares what’s happening in Acer?
If there is one thing a company newsletter or email should NOT do it’s to talk exclusively about the company. The reason is simple: it’s boring for the reader. Acer’s online magazine may well be excellent, but we wouldn’t know because we didn’t have any incentive to click on the link.
Something like this might have done the trick, though:
Hi Write My Site,
You purchased a computer system from us last year – thank you, we hope you’re delighted with your equipment.
We’re contacting you today to invite you to check out our FREE online magazine, which is packed with useful tips and advice about how to get the best from your Acer computer system. Inside the magazine you will find:
• Breaking news of the latest technology in computing, like screens that don’t hurt your eyes and software systems that make your machine run faster.
• Reviews from our SME customers of Acer products and systems.
• Special offers available on an exclusive basis to readers of the online magazine.
Take a look today.
So, why is our version of the email an improvement on the original? Essentially it boils down to five things:
1. It starts with a personal acknowledgement and an appreciation of the recipient’s status, i.e. a customer.
2. It goes on to explain, succinctly, what’s on offer, why it’s relevant to the customer, and that it’s FREE (still a very popular word, despite its wide usage).
3. There is a bullet point list of reasons why the magazine is both relevant and beneficial to the customer.
4. The call to action is straightforward, with none of the “click here, drag there” stuff of the original email.
5. The tone of the email in general is more personal, more conversational, and more likely to elicit a positive response.